Looking around, I’m finding great stuff on the Internet. So, why not share the wealth, I wonder? 
Another great link :D February 3, 2008
Little story update that I promised February 2, 2008
Okay, it’s been a little while, I know, and I’m sorry. I have a lot to do still, but it’s been bugging me. So, if I get this done, hopefully I’ll be able to concentrate! I know I promised to update you on something that may be happening with a certain guy. I wrote about it for a class assignment. This was the very first time we met.
“Yeah,” I said, feeling more uncomfortable by the minute. The numerous overlapping conversations of scores of other University students who were being recognized as “leaders and scholars”—at least, that’s what it said on the invitation—made it very difficult to understand my new acquaintance, girl on the Student Advisory Board member at the other university campus. Not to mention that the foyer of the craftsman-styled home was heavy on wood surfaces, which further amplified the noise. I need to get myself out of here before I make a fool of myself, I thought, and came up with an excuse—I hadn’t tried the desserts yet, and slipped away.
We met over the dessert trays, in the dining room that could only be adequately described as “presidential;” the room was tastefully decorated with dark wood furniture, deep green walls, a beamed low ceiling, thick drapes, and very thick carpeting, which made the room more sound-absorbent. Sweet, quiet relief. I took my time deciding which bite-sized dessert to try first, when somebody spoke.
“Pardon?” I asked, turning around to read his lips.
“Those are delicious,” he repeated, pointing them out to me with a nod of his head.
I took a bite. “Mmm…these taste like high-end Ding Dongs.”
He laughed. “Yeah, they kinda do!”
We introduced ourselves, shaking hands. I was impressed that he wore a suit, in the midst of varying degrees of casualness with the common denominator of jeans. I quickly felt at ease—now I wasn’t the only one who thought it important to dress up! In fact, I felt comfortable enough to ask him “would you speak up please? I’m hard of hearing.”
We then proceeded to talk about anything and everything and nothing for the next hour. We talked about weather. We marveled about President ____’s house, the spiraling wood staircase, the ceilings, the windows, and expressed a desire to be able to explore the house further.
“I love old houses,” I said, sipping the fruit punch because I quickly became very thirsty.
“Me too!”
We talked about food, and spent five minutes talking about the hot apple cider they were serving.
“I love apple cider,” he said.
“Me too!”
We talked about school, and I admitted that I was homeschooled.
He did a double-take. “You were homeschooled?”
“All the way through high school.”
“Me too!”
Activity and people swirled around us as we talked. The sun dipped below the horizon, and the students began to slip away after saying goodbye and thank you to President ___ and his wife. During the first lull in conversation, we looked out the window and realized, Hey, it’s dark! And where’d all the people go? There were probably no more than two or three dozen other loiterers like us. It was time him to board the university-provided shuttle, and my brother was here to give me a ride back home. So we said goodbye, and we both hoped that we would run into each other sometime on campus.
Outside, I looked around at the dusky silhouettes of the trees, outlined by the bright moon, and raised my eyes toward the stars, silently thanking God for Facebook.
Interesting story… February 2, 2008
Okay, I’ve been doing a lot of research lately, just to satisfy my own curiosity and wonders and worries. I really feel like I don’t know enough of my faith. I’m fairly knowledgeable, but not as much as I should be, I think.
And I ran across this link, and it’s interesting. You know, sometimes I wonder, is Catholicism the one true faith? And so I look at information from all sides, and then my faith is reaffirmed. Anyway, I thought I’d post this link for others to see and read.
http://www.chnetwork.org/scotthconv.htm
Apology and non-apology January 20, 2008
I know I haven’t blogged in a while. I apologize for that. Before I was almost compulsive…I had to blog. Why that changed? I’m not 100% sure. Actually, I am 100% sure. It took me a while to figure out what changed. And then a little while more to examine my true motives for blogging and not blogging.
Okay. I started this blog as a diary, almost. I tried to keep my own diaries, but I felt incredibly self-conscious and stupid. “Dear Diary…etc etc etc”. That very quickly fell out of use, because a) I would have to carry it around with me all the time and b) people are naturally very curious when I’m writing in a journal-type book, with no other textbooks around. Typing on a computer elicits a neutral response. But saving a file or a folder of diary entries? Still felt problematic to me. If anybody found it, I can’t claim plausible deniability. I wanted to disassociate me from myself, as it felt like an attractive idea at the time. I can be myself without having to put on a show all the time.
And it has been helpful. It had helped me to talk things out without ever feeling like I’m burdening anybody with troubles and thoughts that should be mine and thus only my responsibility. Yes, I know, it should still have remained in my mind, my own worries are nothing compared to yours or anybody else’s. And I understand that completely! I really do know that some people have more difficulties than others. (I also know that some people whine more than others. At some point you must just roll up your sleeves and get to work.)
I see my last real post was end of November, when the pressure started increasing and my last short post was December, in the midst of finals. I apologize as I didn’t realize how long it had been. But I also don’t apologize, because I have a fairly good reason for it. Ever since it happened, I’ve been feeling great. No longer do I feel…apologetic, sad, down, under pressure, worried about life in general, etc etc. None of these are right words. I had worried a lot. I generally had been confused. But now that confusion about myself has been replaced with a more lovely confusion
No, I haven’t mentioned it at all. I was formulating it in my mind, for when I finally did have a chance to sit down and write it out. Then I thought about it, and decided to give this particular bit of news more time. I wasn’t ready to admit it yet. Yes, I’d had a couple of crushes. I think that’s why I talked about it so much. Anybody who showed a bit of niceness was immediately flagged as “possible”, as I felt…I dunno…desperate? It’s a strong word, but I felt some sort of pressure that I should have a boyfriend, that I should get some dating experience or something. I’ve never dated. There, I admit it. Nobody ever asked me out. Don’t know why. (Actually, I may have an inkling, but I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt that they’re not that prejudiced or ignorant. ) I was feeling quite down because I felt nobody would ever want a hard of hearing girlfriend like me. I know I know, stupid thought. Plenty of deaf/hearing couples have been made.
But…yayayayayayay!
I’m happy now. I’ve been happy since December 8th. I’ve known him since Nov. 18th. It is now Jan 20th. Two months of knowing him. Abridged story coming soon. First, some updates:
I got my new headphones! Not the HATIS, they were too expensive…I asked my audiologist and she checked her listserv, and the other kind got better reviews. Here it is…very very much worth it!
http://www.tecear.com/Music%20Link.htm
I got it in less than a week! And after having it, man, I was addicted. I decided to splurge on an iPod, though I didn’t have very much musical taste or experience right now. Ordered that the second week of Dec, got it in three days, in time for finals week. It was awesome! And quickly, because of said person, I found music that I loved. Not just because I was thinking I was liking him at the time, but because I really did like the music. Got the iPod nano on sale–refurbished kind–and the color I wanted! Blue! Second gen! (I don’t much like the way third gen looked).
Gallaudet. Hmm… I had decided to put the decision on hold. I had time to decide, I thought. Graduate with two degrees in a few years, go to Gally, get two more majors, then masters, then doctorates. But as much as I wanted it to work, to happen, there was always a little gut feeling that this may not be the best thing for me. That’s why I decided to put it on hold.
Now, I think I will just go right into my masters, although which one, I’m not 100% sure yet. Library science for sure, eventually. But whether to get an English assistantship that pays for all of college plus a stipend for an English masters first or not…I’m just not sure. It depends on how things go…:) Good things, don’t worry 
Then a doctorates in something else. Maybe. Like I said, it depends on how things go 
Hmm…was there anything else? Oh well, I’m sure it’ll come to me. My next post will be about said reason why I fell out of touch for so long.
Expensive lesson January 18, 2008
Yep. Well, it’s been a little while since I’ve written about my foray into CrMS. I was sick of taking the pill, sick of the weight gain, and sick of my irregular cycles. So…after research I had decided to try them out, because “everybody said” that it’s affordable and natural and that “you’d be surprised at how many college students” use this system too, though they’re not active. So, I had researched, and it seemed on surface to be affordable.
Um. No.
Got a preliminary bill from the insurance about a month ago. Over $100 due. It was just a statement, I should say, not a bill. Got the actual bill from PPVI. 75 is due. Can you believe the new patient fee is $150? Insurance doesn’t pay for it at all. Insurance doesn’t usually pay for “fertility” stuff as this, even though it may be crucial to our health, as the PPVI people were saying it was.
They were all very, very nice. But I wouldn’t advise college women to do it, unless they were rich or had no money worries at all. I’m going to just grin and bear it…so far it’s been working all right. I lost about 10 lbs so far, and kept it off (with fluctuation, but nothing too scarily high like before).
So, yeah, I’m not doing anything anymore. I’m sick of spending money and doctor visits and such just for them to say “wait and see” “wait until you have a baby, then it’ll be normal” and stuff like that.
Learn from me. Be careful before you decide to do this. It’s worth it if you must have some sense of control over your cycles, yet you want to be off the pill. But it’s not worth the money. You’ll survive.
(Disclaimer here: this is in no way meant to be a dr advice or anything like that, so I won’t get sued, so don’t go blaming me for your problems, this is all mine and my decision only.)
I’m sorry I dropped out of the blog scene December 20, 2007
It was finals week, and some good things have been happening to me as well, but I promise I will write as soon as I get more time! I will catch people up on everything
Thanks for being so patient!
Okay, for you deaf music fans, I have a question for you November 26, 2007
I’m loving some of the music I’ve been finding lately, and I had been playing them in my car. The only problem is that I can’t read the lyrics while I’m driving. While I love the music for the most part, it makes far more sense if I know the lyrics too. So, I had been listening to it at home, with YouTube videos and the lyrics in separate browser windows side by side, but I can’t exactly turn it up as loud as I want.
I’m thinking about splurging, then, on some sort of listening device. iPod maybe, or something similar. Even a CD player is an option. With Christmas and my birthday coming up, I’ll have some extra money to put towards it, so I’m guessing on spending about 100 dollars. Is that a reasonble price? What sort of gadget do you suggest I’d get?
Now here’s the tricky part. I don’t know how to get those earbuds to stay on my microphones, and I play music kinda loudly, and I’m not sure how to tell if I’m “treating” the world to my music or not. So, what sort of technical tips and tricks might you have for a person wearing hearing aids to use? Last time I used one of those “muffler” type earphones, not only did I feel stupid, it caused my hearing aids to feedback. So, something a bit more discreet would be appreciated, but I’m open to whatever suggestions you might have. I don’t know any other hard of hearing person who has a bte hearing aids, the one student I know has an in the ear aid, so earbuds are a more viable option for her.
Perhaps I can take out my hearing aid and crank the volume up high, but I find I get a fuller picture with both the hearing aid and the cochlear implant.
I’d love to try to listen to music while exercising, but I’m also willing to look for something to plug into my computer and listen to it that way in the library or something.
Thanks!
Oh, btw, I’m loving Chris Tomlin at the moment.
I must be tired or something. November 26, 2007
It takes me a while to wake up some days, while other mornings I could have had 5 hours of sleep the previous night, and yet I can be chipper all day long. It varies greatly.
Today was one of those kinds of slow-to-wake-up days. Technically, I was awake, but my mind was still processing reality at the same speed as my dreams. I drove to school on auto-pilot. You know how your mind suddenly wakes up for a second, and briefly you wonder how you got there? I had the heat on in my car, and then just as I turned into the school’s main drive I felt cold. Then I woke up and realized that my heater was off. For the life of me I couldn’t remember turning it off.
One of those days. I had also remembered to print off my English paper due today, but I had zoned out and not remembered to put it in my backpack. So when I got to the rec center for my Self Defense classes, I nipped upstairs to the computer lab. It was closed. I had to stare at my watch for a few seconds before I figured out what time it was and what time it opened. So I walked back down to the first floor, seriously debating whether it was one of my dreams, because, you know, my dreams are really realistic, and life seemed like one big fantasy lately.
Then I slipped on the stairs, and my brain registered it. Ah, I’m slipping. Cool. The next second I was doing the splits at the bottom of the stairs, and I thought Ah, I fell down. Wait a minute. I fell down? I slipped on the stairs! Even the pain felt dreamlike.
A similar thing happened last Tuesday. I was driving to school, music was playing (I believe it was the Across the Universe soundtrack) and it was very foggy. Then the truck in front of me drove onto the sidewalk. It felt very remincient of one of my dreams. I saw it, but I didn’t register it. Ah, a truck is pulling onto the sidewalk. It wasn’t until I had passed it that I realized, Wait a minute, trucks don’t go on sidewalks!
Even now, as I write this in the library, people are talking, I smell the cookies in the cafe, I see and feel all these things, and yet they don’t seem real. I don’t mind this feeling, it’s a nice break from ultra-reality, where life and the future scares me. Right now, I’m in a “Let it Be” mood. A “Dear Prudence”. Life feels like the ”Across the Universe” movie. And I sorta like it
Three more weeks of school, plus finals week. Four more weeks. One more month. I can survive The way things are, it’ll be Christmas and I’ll wonder how I got here.
Cool D-PAN video November 25, 2007
Yeah, yeah, I was bored (even though I had a lot of homework still to do…) So I found this music video a week or so ago.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hKnF9CCYQPQ
I loved it, and I now love the song! I turned up the volume so I could hear it fully and feel it. I showed it to my friends in ASL class and they loved it…I had intended only to show it to them, but then my teacher came in and ended up seeing it for himself, and he really enjoyed it. And all the little factoids and mini-videos were really eye opening, some for me, a lot for my friends. I was able to find an article about the police shooting the deaf guy holding a rake, and that was sad!
However, I have not been able to find any info about the judge screaming at the deaf guy. You can see it at about 1:11. So, if anybody knows info about this, or a link to the article or full video (I’ll get my friends to interpret for me) that would be awesome!
Anyway, I’m eagerly waiting for D-PAN to come out with more videos
And now I’ll try to get back to work. I need to sleep tonight. I bet many of you could tell I was not thinking all that clearly last night. Sleep deprivation takes a toll on people. At least it was just the misspellings of a few words, plus an online rant. At least I didn’t rant in person. Just getting it out of my system (plus the comments) allowed me to actually take a step back and evaluate things. So, thanks for bearing with me. I’m surprised I haven’t scared all my readers away by now.
Society’s Fixation November 24, 2007
What’s up with society’s fixtation on sex and sexuality?! I’m fed up!! I’m sick of it! Blah! College seems to be the worst offender. In my English classes, all of my stories have possible sexual readings, and it seems like that’s the only readings my teachers can get from it. Ditto for Creative Writing. I had wanted to say this several times, but finally one of my classmates asked, “why are we reading another story about sex?” The teacher hadn’t realized all of her assignments for us had an element of sex or sexual abuse.
Aargh! I want to say enough!
Tuesday there will be a speaker on campus, called “J-Spot” or something like that. Guess what he’s going to talk about? Yeah. Sex. I was invited to it as a part of a mass invite on Facebook. Still, I’m like, bleargh. To cap it, this guy I’m sorta interested in (or was) was the guy who was in charge of promoting it. When he told the entire group at Senate (during the “for the good of the order”) other people were nodding, even this other guy whom I had thought was too sweet and conservative to be swayed by it. I was stony faced through the whole thing, trying not to be too judgemental, you know?
Many of my friends like dirty jokes and dirty books. I’m sick of it. Yes, yeah, it’s a part of the human nature. I know. I know. I laugh at the good ones, myself. Like the one about the Deaf Pizza, by Keith Wann. That was funny. Oops. Opps. But everything in moderation. And it does not seem moderate at this time. It’s overflowing, and I’m trying not to think about it, to keep myself distant from it, but images and thoughts keep entering my mind and I keep wiping them away. I’m a visual person, so anything I read about, I can visualize, some more vividly than others. I keep imagining too many scenes from readings from class. And movies. I didn’t really need to know about that.
I’ll wait until marriage, thanks. I don’t want to learn too soon.
And again, I had pondered the meaning of hook-ups. What does that connote? I feared the worst. The guy I had liked is too far gone, yet I’m trying not to be judgemental. He didn’t tell me. Curse Facebook. I love it, I hate it. But yeah, I found out he went skinny dipping. With a girl. So, I believe that’s all it was, but what a temptation, you know? Stay away from it, it’s too risky. Even though it was dark. I still was like, oh, my, goodness. Is nobody safe? Are all the good guys the painfully shy guys?
I like spontaniety. I like surprises. I like sweet stuff. I like to listen, and to talk, and to care, and to be cared about. I like some straightforward stuff. Why can’t guys just give it a chance, just ask for a date, we go out once, to get to know each other better, email each other, and see if we’re even compatible. If not, well, that’s okay, we can be friends. Perhaps it’s because I’ve never dated, perhaps this is too nieve. But yeah, I honestly will put forward the effort. You never know until you try, and all the good guys seem to be too shy to try.
Frustration! To say the least. But apparently it’s a good thing I haven’t dated yet. Guys can’t handle celibacy or even the idea of propriety yet. Good thing I have a plan that will tie up the next, oh, 5 1/2, 6 1/2 years or so. Maybe in 7 years men will be better (I doubt it, though).
After much thought, I realize being a nun is not for me. So that’s not an option. I’ll just keep myself busy with life and advocacy and work and school, because at this rate, I’m going to be single the rest of my life. Single is fine. I just wish I could say something about, “yeah, my ex boyfriend is doing such and such now” Maybe it’s because I’m the kind of person who once I make a committment, I generally stick to it. I plan. I prepare. It’s just that I choose not to be prepared about sex. It serves me no good until I’m married.
You hear that world?! You hear that, all you men out there?! I’m waiting until marriage!! Pah! Phooey. I’m sick of guessing, I’m sick of hoping, I’m sick of waiting, I’m sick of planning. I’m keeping my options open, but I have standards. Not necessarily that high, you know, white horse and everything. But I do expect that you at least TRY to be pure.
I know what I’m praying about tonight and tomorrow morning. For this guy whom I had liked, whom was very nice to me on the bus to and from the hockey game, it seemed like we still hit it off. I pray for him. I pray for all men. I pray that I’m proven wrong, that there is such thing as a decent, slightly more outgoing man, who is also waiting.
Meanwhile, I’m too busy with life to wait around.
I can think of several swear words that involve sex, to use against society’s fixtation on sex. I’m sick of it.
I’m sorry for this outburst. I can’t possibly tell my parents, my brother. I sorta told my friend, and then the guy who’s sorta in charge of Catholic Campus Ministry, I guess he’s a missionary of sorts, about this J spot thingy, and the FOCUS missionaries are going to visit it, to see what’s going on in the college world. I can’t wait to see what this guy whom I keep mentioning has to say about this event that he’s heavily promoting. My point is, who can I tell? Whew, typing this all up makes me feel better. I was working on my report on Dracula (another heavily sexual novel), when I reached my tipping point. (Malcom Gladwell…and no I haven’t read it.)
Up next (when I have time) i will write about me about a year ago and me today, in relationship to sign language and the Deaf culture. Yeah, I had an interesting point. But it’s late. 11:40 pm now, and I have Mass tomorrow morning. And work. And I got to finish my stinkin’ paper that’s due Monday. I can’t seem to finish it. Hopefully I can tomorrow night. I have to!
