But I never have time to write! Of course, I’m procrastinating right now. But I’m writing!
I think last semester I got uninspired because I was intimidated. My professor limited us to only “realistic fiction”, and that wasn’t necessarily what I like to write. Basically, I’m not that great of an observer in life to really know what makes people tick. And explain why they believe what they believe, do what they do. I prefer the fantasy world, or at least the slightly strange, because I can control it more. Realistic fiction is supposed to be controlled by an outside source. Fantasy, I am its sole creator. I base it in the real world, so it has a comparison or a grounding in something real, then I add something of my own to it. Like sci fi. But I’m experimenting with the “bizarre”. Not grotesque, but someting extraordinary. Like my dreams. I should have written this last two weird dreams down, but I’m afraid of what Freud would think of the dream I had last night. The night before was cooler. It was a ghost mystery. And I loved the house my unconcious created! I’d build it myself, if I won a million bucks. I’ll have to post it sometime. But I’m going to write it down for homework first.
This semester I’m finally getting inspired, but I’m having to put off my inspiration…I hope I’m not conditioning myself to ignore the muse! That would be bad. But rather, I’ll put it off until later in the semester, when most of the work is done, and I don’t feel like I’m drowning. Like in an avalanche, you’re supposed to “swim” with the tide to stay above and not get buried which is dangerous to do. I’m trying to swim with the homework tide and the pro-life group tide etc etc, to stay on top, but I’m getting tired, my brain doesn’t want to work, and I procrastinate, but I can’t rest too long. I must start swimming again, to stay on top, or close too the top. Rest too long, and you’re sunk. And I can’t afford to get a B, which I’m still afraid of getting. That will throw my GPA off. Which the A minus already did, but I don’t want a B, psychologically. I’d feel bad, sub-excellent. Awful. See ya. Getting back to work now. Bye. Maybe…dunno….should I leave you guys hanging?…Argh! see ya…I think….okay, now I’m stopping…I’ll post later, when more homework is done….maybe…stupid horomones. Throws my efficiency off balance. 😛