bookwritegirl

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Society’s Fixation November 24, 2007

Filed under: ASL,Catholic,ccm,college,dating,deaf,friends,guys — bookwritegirl @ 11:39 pm

What’s up with society’s fixtation on sex and sexuality?! I’m fed up!! I’m sick of it! Blah! College seems to be the worst offender. In my English classes, all of my stories have possible sexual readings, and it seems like that’s the only readings my teachers can get from it. Ditto for Creative Writing. I had wanted to say this several times, but finally one of my classmates asked, “why are we reading another story about sex?” The teacher hadn’t realized all of her assignments for us had an element of sex or sexual abuse.

 Aargh! I want to say enough!

Tuesday there will be a speaker on campus, called “J-Spot” or something like that. Guess what he’s going to talk about? Yeah. Sex. I was invited to it as a part of a mass invite on Facebook. Still, I’m like, bleargh. To cap it, this guy I’m sorta interested in (or was) was the guy who was in charge of promoting it. When he told the entire group at Senate (during the “for the good of the order”) other people were nodding, even this other guy whom I had thought was too sweet and conservative to be swayed by it. I was stony faced through the whole thing, trying not to be too judgemental, you know?

Many of my friends like dirty jokes and dirty books. I’m sick of it. Yes, yeah, it’s a part of the human nature. I know. I know. I laugh at the good ones, myself. Like the one about the Deaf Pizza, by Keith Wann. That was funny. Oops. Opps. But everything in moderation. And it does not seem moderate at this time. It’s overflowing, and I’m trying not to think about it, to keep myself distant from it, but images and thoughts keep entering my mind and I keep wiping them away. I’m a visual person, so anything I read about, I can visualize, some more vividly than others. I keep imagining too many scenes from readings from class. And movies. I didn’t really need to know about that.

I’ll wait until marriage, thanks. I don’t want to learn too soon.

And again, I had pondered the meaning of hook-ups. What does that connote? I feared the worst. The guy I had liked is too far gone, yet I’m trying not to be judgemental. He didn’t tell me. Curse Facebook. I love it, I hate it. But yeah, I found out he went skinny dipping. With a girl. So, I believe that’s all it was, but what a temptation, you know? Stay away from it, it’s too risky. Even though it was dark. I still was like, oh, my, goodness. Is nobody safe? Are all the good guys the painfully shy guys?

I like spontaniety. I like surprises. I like sweet stuff. I like to listen, and to talk, and to care, and to be cared about. I like some straightforward stuff. Why can’t guys just give it a chance, just ask for a date, we go out once, to  get to know each other better, email each other, and see if we’re even compatible. If not, well, that’s okay, we can be friends. Perhaps it’s because I’ve never dated, perhaps this is too nieve. But yeah, I honestly will put forward the effort. You never know until you try, and all the good guys seem to be too shy to try.

Frustration! To say the least. But apparently it’s a good thing I haven’t dated yet. Guys can’t handle celibacy or even the idea of propriety yet. Good thing I have a plan that will tie up the next, oh, 5 1/2, 6 1/2 years or so. Maybe in 7 years men will be better (I doubt it, though).

After much thought, I realize being a nun is not for me. So that’s not an option. I’ll just keep myself busy with life and advocacy and work and school, because at this rate, I’m going to be single the rest of my life. Single is fine. I just wish I could say something about, “yeah, my ex boyfriend is doing such and such now” Maybe it’s because I’m the kind of person who once I make a committment, I generally stick to it. I plan. I prepare. It’s just that I choose not to be prepared about sex. It serves me no good until I’m married.

 You hear that world?! You hear that, all you men out there?! I’m waiting until marriage!! Pah! Phooey. I’m sick of guessing, I’m sick of hoping, I’m sick of waiting, I’m sick of planning. I’m keeping my options open, but I have standards. Not necessarily that high, you know, white horse and everything. But I do expect that you at least TRY to be pure.

I know what I’m praying about tonight and tomorrow morning. For this guy whom I had liked, whom was very nice to me on the bus to and from the hockey game, it seemed like we still hit it off. I pray for him. I pray for all men. I pray that I’m proven wrong, that there is such thing as a decent, slightly more outgoing man, who is also waiting.

Meanwhile, I’m too busy with life to wait around.

I can think of several swear words that involve sex, to use against society’s fixtation on sex. I’m sick of it.

I’m sorry for this outburst. I can’t possibly tell my parents, my brother. I sorta told my friend, and then the guy who’s sorta in charge of Catholic Campus Ministry, I guess he’s a missionary of sorts, about this J spot thingy, and the FOCUS missionaries are going to visit it, to see what’s going on in the college world. I can’t wait to see what this guy whom I keep mentioning has to say about this event that he’s heavily promoting. My point is, who can I tell? Whew, typing this all up makes me feel better. I was working on my report on Dracula (another heavily sexual novel), when I reached my tipping point. (Malcom Gladwell…and no I haven’t read it.)

Up next (when I have time) i will write about me about a year ago and me today, in relationship to sign language and the Deaf culture. Yeah, I had an interesting point. But it’s late. 11:40 pm now, and I have Mass tomorrow morning. And work. And I got to finish my stinkin’ paper that’s due Monday. I can’t seem to finish it. Hopefully I can tomorrow night. I have to!

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4 Responses to “Society’s Fixation”

  1. anglhugnu2 Says:

    You are such a blessing! This was so fun to read. Reminded me of my days in college at the University of Detroit; studying for the priesthood. You are simply magnificent! Bless your heart!

    AngllHugnU2
    Author of IM with God

  2. bookwritegirl Says:

    I’m glad you enjoyed it! To be honest, I thought it was a bad piece of writing, so your comment made me feel better 🙂 I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one disgusted by the college atmosphere.

    And btw, I read the excerpt from your book, and it was good 🙂

  3. me Says:

    It’s all well and good to be thinking that sex is something to be avoided at all costs… if you’re a priest! And maybe if they WERE allowed to have sex with women they wouldn’t be going after little boys … but that’s another story.
    Honey, you have a long way to go before you have to worry about sex. You admit that you have never been in a relationship with a guy and never even dated. One step at a time, okay? It’s not like you’re being propositioned left and right. There’s nothing wrong with talking about it. If YOU don’t want to do it until you’re married, that’s your business. Just don’t get all judgmental with others. Sex is a beautiful and wonderful thing, and it’s natural to want to talk about it with your friends. And people ARE going to have sex before they’re married… it’s just a fact, so isn’t it better that they learn about birth control and how to avoid STDs?
    Men will not be different in 5 years or 7 years, or even in 500 years. Men at this age are at their peak sexually. Their hormones are raging. Maybe you SHOULD go to some of these talks or do some reading. It might make you understand men and yourself a little better.
    And by the way, the word is FIXATION.

  4. anglhugnu2 Says:

    Me….I don’t really think she was harping on the beauty of sex. It seems to me she was expressing an enormous amount of the passion she has for life. Her awareness seems heightened at this time by a lot of the co-dependency that surrounds her. I felt strongly her writing flowed in and out of her youthful desire to make good decisions. Her post was not meant to be an attack just a free flow of thought that may have been a distraction for her at the time. If you would notice at the end she feels much better about venting her youthful desire to grow in some shape or form. In fact, it was not soon after she concluded her exercise to empty the trash of her mind to move on with her school work.

    She’ll be just fine. As long as she leaves behind the trash….Does nothing to dig through it to keep so as to avoid her passion for a truly happy life….

    Yep, she will be just fine!

    AngllHugnU2
    Author of IM with God


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