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Little story update that I promised February 2, 2008

Filed under: college,dating,deaf,guys,joy,life,Love,writing — bookwritegirl @ 7:45 pm

Okay, it’s been a little while, I know, and I’m sorry. I have a lot to do still, but it’s been bugging me. So, if I get this done, hopefully I’ll be able to concentrate! I know I promised to update you on something that may be happening with a certain guy. I wrote about it for a class assignment. This was the very first time we met.

“Yeah,” I said, feeling more uncomfortable by the minute. The numerous overlapping conversations of scores of other University students who were being recognized as “leaders and scholars”—at least, that’s what it said on the invitation—made it very difficult to understand my new acquaintance, girl on the Student Advisory Board member at the other university campus. Not to mention that the foyer of the craftsman-styled home was heavy on wood surfaces, which further amplified the noise. I need to get myself out of here before I make a fool of myself, I thought, and came up with an excuse—I hadn’t tried the desserts yet, and slipped away.

 We met over the dessert trays, in the dining room that could only be adequately described as “presidential;” the room was tastefully decorated with dark wood furniture, deep green walls, a beamed low ceiling, thick drapes, and very thick carpeting, which made the room more sound-absorbent. Sweet, quiet relief. I took my time deciding which bite-sized dessert to try first, when somebody spoke.

 “Pardon?” I asked, turning around to read his lips.

 “Those are delicious,” he repeated, pointing them out to me with a nod of his head.

 I took a bite. “Mmm…these taste like high-end Ding Dongs.”

 He laughed. “Yeah, they kinda do!”

 We introduced ourselves, shaking hands. I was impressed that he wore a suit, in the midst of varying degrees of casualness with the common denominator of jeans. I quickly felt at ease—now I wasn’t the only one who thought it important to dress up! In fact, I felt comfortable enough to ask him “would you speak up please? I’m hard of hearing.”

 We then proceeded to talk about anything and everything and nothing for the next hour. We talked about weather. We marveled about President ____’s house, the spiraling wood staircase, the ceilings, the windows, and expressed a desire to be able to explore the house further.

 “I love old houses,” I said, sipping the fruit punch because I quickly became very thirsty.

 “Me too!”  

 We talked about food, and spent five minutes talking about the hot apple cider they were serving.

 “I love apple cider,” he said.

 “Me too!”

 We talked about school, and I admitted that I was homeschooled.

 He did a double-take. “You were homeschooled?”

 “All the way through high school.”

 “Me too!”

 Activity and people swirled around us as we talked. The sun dipped below the horizon, and the students began to slip away after saying goodbye and thank you to President ___ and his wife. During the first lull in conversation, we looked out the window and realized, Hey, it’s dark! And where’d all the people go? There were probably no more than two or three dozen other loiterers like us. It was time him to board the university-provided shuttle, and my brother was here to give me a ride back home. So we said goodbye, and we both hoped that we would run into each other sometime on campus.

 Outside, I looked around at the dusky silhouettes of the trees, outlined by the bright moon, and raised my eyes toward the stars, silently thanking God for Facebook.


Apology and non-apology January 20, 2008

Filed under: college,dating,friends,guys,joy,life,Love — bookwritegirl @ 6:33 pm

I know I haven’t blogged in a while. I apologize for that. Before I was almost compulsive…I had to blog. Why that changed? I’m not 100% sure. Actually, I am 100% sure. It took me a while to figure out what changed. And then a little while more to examine my true motives for blogging and not blogging.

Okay. I started this blog as a diary, almost. I tried to keep my own diaries, but I felt incredibly self-conscious and stupid. “Dear Diary…etc etc etc”. That very quickly fell out of use, because a) I would have to carry it around with me all the time and b) people are naturally very curious when I’m writing in a journal-type book, with no other textbooks around. Typing on a computer elicits a neutral response. But saving a file or a folder of diary entries? Still felt problematic to me. If anybody found it, I can’t claim plausible deniability. I wanted to disassociate me from myself, as it felt like an attractive idea at the time. I can be myself without having to put on a show all the time.

And it has been helpful. It had helped me to talk things out without ever feeling like I’m burdening anybody with troubles and thoughts that should be mine and thus only my responsibility. Yes, I know, it should still have remained in my mind, my own worries are nothing compared to yours or anybody else’s. And I understand that completely! I really do know that some people have more difficulties than others. (I also know that some people whine more than others. At some point you must just roll up your sleeves and get to work.)

I see my last real post was end of November, when the pressure started increasing and my last short post was December, in the midst of finals. I apologize as I didn’t realize how long it had been. But I also don’t apologize, because I have a fairly good reason for it. Ever since it happened, I’ve been feeling great. No longer do I feel…apologetic, sad, down, under pressure, worried about life in general, etc etc. None of these are right words. I had worried a lot. I generally had been confused. But now that confusion about myself has been replaced with a more lovely confusion 🙂

No, I haven’t mentioned it at all. I was formulating it in my mind, for when I finally did have a chance to sit down and write it out. Then I thought about it, and decided to give this particular bit of news more time. I wasn’t ready to admit it yet. Yes, I’d had a couple of crushes. I think that’s why I talked about it so much.  Anybody who showed a bit of niceness was immediately flagged as “possible”, as I felt…I dunno…desperate? It’s a strong word, but I felt some sort of pressure that I should have a boyfriend, that I should get some dating experience or something. I’ve never dated. There, I admit it. Nobody ever asked me out. Don’t know why. (Actually, I may have an inkling, but I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt that they’re not that prejudiced or ignorant. ) I was feeling quite down because I felt nobody would ever want a hard of hearing girlfriend like me. I know I know, stupid thought. Plenty of deaf/hearing couples have been made.


I’m happy now. 🙂 I’ve been happy since December 8th. I’ve known him since Nov. 18th. It is now Jan 20th. Two months of knowing him. Abridged story coming soon. First, some updates:

I got my new headphones! Not the HATIS, they were too expensive…I asked my audiologist and she checked her listserv, and the other kind got better reviews. Here it is…very very much worth it!

I got it in less than a week! And after having it, man, I was addicted. I decided to splurge on an iPod, though I didn’t have very much musical taste or experience right now. Ordered that the second week of Dec, got it in three days, in time for finals week. It was awesome! And quickly, because of said person, I found music that I loved. Not just because I was thinking I was liking him at the time, but because I really did like the music. Got the iPod nano on sale–refurbished kind–and the color I wanted! Blue! Second gen! (I don’t much like the way third gen looked).

Gallaudet. Hmm… I had decided to put the decision on hold. I had time to decide, I thought. Graduate with two degrees in a few years, go to Gally, get two more majors, then masters, then doctorates. But as much as I wanted it to work, to happen, there was always a little gut feeling that this may not be the best thing for me. That’s why I decided to put it on hold.

Now, I think I will just go right into my masters, although which one, I’m not 100% sure yet. Library science for sure, eventually. But whether to get an English assistantship that pays for all of college plus a stipend for an English masters first or not…I’m just not sure. It depends on how things go…:) Good things, don’t worry 😀 Then a doctorates in something else. Maybe. Like I said, it depends on how things go 😉

Hmm…was there anything else? Oh well, I’m sure it’ll come to me. My next post will be about said reason why I fell out of touch for so long. 🙂


I must be tired or something. November 26, 2007

Filed under: college,dream,life — bookwritegirl @ 1:40 pm

It takes me a while to wake up some days, while other mornings I could have had 5 hours of sleep the previous night, and yet I can be chipper all day long. It varies greatly.

Today was one of those kinds of slow-to-wake-up days. Technically, I was awake, but my mind was still processing reality at the same speed as my dreams. I drove to school on auto-pilot. You know how your mind suddenly wakes up for a second, and briefly you wonder how you got there? I had the heat on in my car, and then just as I turned into the school’s main drive I felt cold. Then I woke up and realized that my heater was off. For the life of me I couldn’t remember turning it off.

One of those days. I had also remembered to print off my English paper due today, but I had zoned out and not remembered to put it in my backpack. So when I got to the rec center for my Self Defense classes, I nipped upstairs to the computer lab. It was closed. I had to stare at my watch for a few seconds before I figured out what time it was and what time it opened. So I walked back down to the first floor, seriously debating whether it was one of my dreams, because, you know, my dreams are really realistic, and life seemed like one big fantasy lately.

Then I slipped on the stairs, and my brain registered it. Ah, I’m slipping. Cool. The next second I was doing the splits at the bottom of the stairs, and I thought Ah, I fell down. Wait a minute. I fell down? I slipped on the stairs! Even the pain felt dreamlike.

A similar thing happened last Tuesday. I was driving to school, music was playing (I believe it was the Across the Universe soundtrack) and it was very foggy. Then the truck in front of me drove onto the sidewalk. It felt very remincient of one of my dreams. I saw it, but I didn’t register it. Ah, a truck is pulling onto the sidewalk. It wasn’t until I had passed it that I realized, Wait a minute, trucks don’t go on sidewalks!

Even now, as I write this in the library, people are talking, I smell the cookies in the cafe, I see and feel all these things, and yet they don’t seem real. I don’t mind this feeling, it’s a nice break from ultra-reality, where life and the future scares me. Right now, I’m in a “Let it Be” mood. A “Dear Prudence”. Life feels like the “Across the Universe” movie. And I sorta like it 🙂

Three more weeks of school, plus finals week. Four more weeks. One more month. I can survive 🙂 The way things are, it’ll be Christmas and I’ll wonder how I got here.


Society’s Fixation November 24, 2007

Filed under: ASL,Catholic,ccm,college,dating,deaf,friends,guys — bookwritegirl @ 11:39 pm

What’s up with society’s fixtation on sex and sexuality?! I’m fed up!! I’m sick of it! Blah! College seems to be the worst offender. In my English classes, all of my stories have possible sexual readings, and it seems like that’s the only readings my teachers can get from it. Ditto for Creative Writing. I had wanted to say this several times, but finally one of my classmates asked, “why are we reading another story about sex?” The teacher hadn’t realized all of her assignments for us had an element of sex or sexual abuse.

 Aargh! I want to say enough!

Tuesday there will be a speaker on campus, called “J-Spot” or something like that. Guess what he’s going to talk about? Yeah. Sex. I was invited to it as a part of a mass invite on Facebook. Still, I’m like, bleargh. To cap it, this guy I’m sorta interested in (or was) was the guy who was in charge of promoting it. When he told the entire group at Senate (during the “for the good of the order”) other people were nodding, even this other guy whom I had thought was too sweet and conservative to be swayed by it. I was stony faced through the whole thing, trying not to be too judgemental, you know?

Many of my friends like dirty jokes and dirty books. I’m sick of it. Yes, yeah, it’s a part of the human nature. I know. I know. I laugh at the good ones, myself. Like the one about the Deaf Pizza, by Keith Wann. That was funny. Oops. Opps. But everything in moderation. And it does not seem moderate at this time. It’s overflowing, and I’m trying not to think about it, to keep myself distant from it, but images and thoughts keep entering my mind and I keep wiping them away. I’m a visual person, so anything I read about, I can visualize, some more vividly than others. I keep imagining too many scenes from readings from class. And movies. I didn’t really need to know about that.

I’ll wait until marriage, thanks. I don’t want to learn too soon.

And again, I had pondered the meaning of hook-ups. What does that connote? I feared the worst. The guy I had liked is too far gone, yet I’m trying not to be judgemental. He didn’t tell me. Curse Facebook. I love it, I hate it. But yeah, I found out he went skinny dipping. With a girl. So, I believe that’s all it was, but what a temptation, you know? Stay away from it, it’s too risky. Even though it was dark. I still was like, oh, my, goodness. Is nobody safe? Are all the good guys the painfully shy guys?

I like spontaniety. I like surprises. I like sweet stuff. I like to listen, and to talk, and to care, and to be cared about. I like some straightforward stuff. Why can’t guys just give it a chance, just ask for a date, we go out once, to  get to know each other better, email each other, and see if we’re even compatible. If not, well, that’s okay, we can be friends. Perhaps it’s because I’ve never dated, perhaps this is too nieve. But yeah, I honestly will put forward the effort. You never know until you try, and all the good guys seem to be too shy to try.

Frustration! To say the least. But apparently it’s a good thing I haven’t dated yet. Guys can’t handle celibacy or even the idea of propriety yet. Good thing I have a plan that will tie up the next, oh, 5 1/2, 6 1/2 years or so. Maybe in 7 years men will be better (I doubt it, though).

After much thought, I realize being a nun is not for me. So that’s not an option. I’ll just keep myself busy with life and advocacy and work and school, because at this rate, I’m going to be single the rest of my life. Single is fine. I just wish I could say something about, “yeah, my ex boyfriend is doing such and such now” Maybe it’s because I’m the kind of person who once I make a committment, I generally stick to it. I plan. I prepare. It’s just that I choose not to be prepared about sex. It serves me no good until I’m married.

 You hear that world?! You hear that, all you men out there?! I’m waiting until marriage!! Pah! Phooey. I’m sick of guessing, I’m sick of hoping, I’m sick of waiting, I’m sick of planning. I’m keeping my options open, but I have standards. Not necessarily that high, you know, white horse and everything. But I do expect that you at least TRY to be pure.

I know what I’m praying about tonight and tomorrow morning. For this guy whom I had liked, whom was very nice to me on the bus to and from the hockey game, it seemed like we still hit it off. I pray for him. I pray for all men. I pray that I’m proven wrong, that there is such thing as a decent, slightly more outgoing man, who is also waiting.

Meanwhile, I’m too busy with life to wait around.

I can think of several swear words that involve sex, to use against society’s fixtation on sex. I’m sick of it.

I’m sorry for this outburst. I can’t possibly tell my parents, my brother. I sorta told my friend, and then the guy who’s sorta in charge of Catholic Campus Ministry, I guess he’s a missionary of sorts, about this J spot thingy, and the FOCUS missionaries are going to visit it, to see what’s going on in the college world. I can’t wait to see what this guy whom I keep mentioning has to say about this event that he’s heavily promoting. My point is, who can I tell? Whew, typing this all up makes me feel better. I was working on my report on Dracula (another heavily sexual novel), when I reached my tipping point. (Malcom Gladwell…and no I haven’t read it.)

Up next (when I have time) i will write about me about a year ago and me today, in relationship to sign language and the Deaf culture. Yeah, I had an interesting point. But it’s late. 11:40 pm now, and I have Mass tomorrow morning. And work. And I got to finish my stinkin’ paper that’s due Monday. I can’t seem to finish it. Hopefully I can tomorrow night. I have to!


Good News November 18, 2007

Filed under: college,dating,deaf,family,politics,school — bookwritegirl @ 1:27 pm

Okay, this last week wasn’t all horrible. Thursday night was Student Senate. First we rode on a bus to go bowling and have pizza with the chancellors of my school. One guy I sorta like sat in the row opposite of me, and we struck up a little conversation before the bus started, and I understood him okay, even though it was already dark. But once the bus got moving, everybody started talking louder, and so this guy I like still was trying to have a conversation with me. I finally felt brave enough to say, I’m sorry, I can’t hear you very well, it’s loud in here. And he understood, and spoke louder, and didn’t mind repeating himself (sometimes 3 or 4 times before I understood him) and got really close so I could hear. That was really nice of him. He’s a good friend that way 🙂

We got there, and the room where we were had bad acoustics, so I couldn’t hear the chancellor speaking very well, or anybody else for that matter. I asked one of my good Senate friends who sorta acts as a mentor, what was going on. She would summarize what people were saying and whisper it to me while they were still talking, and I could read her lips and get by that way. It wasn’t perfect, but it was very nice of her. She also didn’t mind repeating things for me. About halfway through this long session, where it was the senator’s turn to bring up ideas and grievances and such to the chancellors so the chancellor could know what’s going on at the student level, the guy I sorta like turned to me and asked if I could hear, and I said sorta. Usually people don’t ask, because they fear it would be rude. But I think it’s really nice that they’re starting to be more aware of how to help me hear, and help me in the right way. This other guy who’s also nice to me makes sure I can join in the crowd as well. Sometimes I stand off to the side waiting because I don’t want to be rude and just join in a group of people, plus i have no idea what’s going on anyway. But he would say, here, sit here, we’re talking about such and such. Or like on this night, he said, you wanna bowl? as an invitation for me to join them.

We finally got back to the school, where we had the actual Senate. That’s when I found out that the Executive board had changed Senate around a bit “so everybody can hear”. Originally, the exec board faced the senators, and only the speaker had the podium with the mike. The senate had one podium with a mike, facing the exec board, where only people who had to present a bill spoke. Everybody else on both sides of the room just spoke from their seats, and I had had a hard time hearing everything, and kept asking the girl/mentor what was going on. The had made one minor change before I started, and that was giving the entire exec board more mikes so everybody could hear them.

The big change they made for me was to require everybody who had something to say to come up to the podium. Not just raise your hand and remain seated. Go up to the podium and speak. Wow, what a difference! I actually felt in charge of the situation for once. The speaker made several slips, and so did the senators. The senators kept forgetting, and he kept reminding them, either by pointing, or by saying come up to the mike so (insert my name here) can hear. Man, that was nice, and I forgive him, it still made me a bit embarrased. Sometimes, though, the girl/mentor who sat by me said, “Can you come up to speak, we can’t hear.” Instead of “bookwritegirl” can’t hear, she said “we”. It was a small way, but it was so…nice!

They actually changed the procedures of Senate for me. Yes, it benefits everybody, but the reason why they changed it in the first place was to help me hear. At the end, during for the good of the order, we passed around a gavel and everybody got to say whatever was going on in their lives or such. I said something along the lines of “thank you so much for coming up to the microphone and speaking, it makes a world of difference for me, I appreciate it very much” and after that the senators didn’t forget to go up to the microphone so much. They even went up there for the “for the good of the order” which was not expected, but nice all the same.

So, I really felt happy about this night. You guys probably know that I was feeling unsure that any hearing guy would bother dating me if it takes so much work for communication. Even my friends for that matter. But tonight, mere acquaintances and people I know by name only, went along with this change for me. Willingly. Even the two guy senators I had mentioned earlier, whom I’m interested in, even as friends only, didn’t mind at all. That gave me new hope. “People who mind don’t matter, people who matter don’t mind” How true. I must keep reminding myself this, but now I have proof it holds true outside of family and even friends.

At least they understand better than my dad, at this rate. People assume because I can hear, I can hear well. But now Senate is learning that that’s not true, I can hear, but not perfectly. Dad forgets that. A lot. I had forgiven him about last night, willing to move on, but now I found that he’s sulking and that’s why he’s ignoring me, I can’t forget what happened last night anymore. Not until he realizes, which may take a while.

News comes in pairs. Good news, then bad news. Hopefully I’ll get more good news tonight to help balance it out, since the bad news is that one of our new kittens is sick and lethargic and the total opposite of his playful self. He’s at the vet now, I’m waiting to hear the news from mom.


Bad News

Filed under: college,deaf,family — bookwritegirl @ 12:59 pm

Seems like everytime something good happens, it has to be balanced by the bad. Right now I want to effing scream at my dad! Yeah, sure, I found out through somebody else who told me I wasn’t supposed to know, but thought it would help me put his moods in perspective. Yeah, my dad has depression, and no he won’t get help because he thinks he would be discriminated against. I’m like, nobody has to know, you know?

So, bad news first, since I’m already riled up. The story is that last night I went to go see my mom perform with her singing group, It was a nice little concert, her first one, so I asked off early from work (though I need the money), and even though I had a headache I went with her to the cast party. Before the show, two things happened, and it’s either or both the reason why my dad hasn’t looked at me or responded to me at all today, and he’s in a bad mood. Because of me.

Waiting in the lobby to be let in to the theater to get our seats, my little brother, who’s hard of hearing, happened to be standing near a bunch of old people, sitting down on the bench. One of the ladies said something to him, but I couldn’t hear her, so I’m sure my brother didn’t either. He was looking straight at her, and then he looked to Dad to “translate”, but Dad didn’t do anything, just glared at him, expecting him to respond. My brother knew what Dad wanted him to do, but he had no idea what to say, since he had no idea what the old lady said to him. When this little incident was over, I motioned for my brother to come stand by me to reduce the chance of being in a lopsided conversation. I knew exactly what my brother was going through. I rubbed his back and said you know, if you can’t hear them, you can always ask them to repeat themselves or speak louder. And my brother nodded, I could see him processing the information.

But Dad heard what I told him, and got all curt and his voice tense, and I couldn’t hear him very well either (stupid acoustics in the lobby) but he was saying something about my brother being as stubborn as me and it’s not because he can’t hear, it’s because he knows he should respond but he didn’t. I wanted to whap my dad on the upside of his head and say, I know what it’s like. My brother couldn’t hear her, that’s why he didn’t respond. He’s not stubborn. He tries very hard to please, but you’re always hard on all the brothers and not on my sisters, and my brother has another strike against him because he can’t hear! But I didn’t say that. I knew it wouldn’t be worth the pain of his emotional rollercoaster.

I didn’t hear everything my dad said, and even though I had a basic idea, I asked him to repeat, and he consolidated his rant into one sentence (people were watching, so he couldn’t blow up like I knew he dearly wanted to) and then asked me if my ears were broken. (by ears he means hearing aids/cochlear implant). I said no, it’s just loud. This went on in the same vein for a while, and I still couldn’t understand him. So I looked away. I was done trying to listen to him. I didn’t do it disrespectfully, it was a natural break in the conversation, but I knew Dad wanted some sort of response from me. I wasn’t about to give it to him. My gaze wandered naturally, but purposefully, and it wandered back to Dad, who looked at me, his eyes wide and his lips tense. I smiled like I didn’t think anything was wrong.

Sheesh, Dad, after almost 20 years you’d think you know better?! He still doesn’t get that he has to get my attention first then talk to me. He still calls from another room or another floor, and thinks I’m being stubborn and unresponsive when really I can’t hear him, it’s not until Mom or my brothers or sisters tell me Dad’s calling me. Dad has some sort of primma donna complex, where he thinks the world revolves around him and that we should automatically drop everything and hear and understand and obey everything he says. That’s why I’m trying to teach my hoh brother what I wish I was taught, if you can’t hear, your response can be to ask them to speak up/repeat what they said. That’s why I’m so glad I’m getting more in touch with my Deaf side (as corny as that sounds) because it puts my life in perspective. I was probably no more stubborn than any other kid. I wanted to please my parents, but I couldn’t hear!

We got to our seats. I didn’t mind being a few rows back, but I picked front row for us because that way my brother and I could “hear” better since we could see better. See who’s singing at what time, you know? Dad was complaining (no matter how jokingly he does it, I know he really means it) about how my littlest brother and sister couldn’t see, that they would have to crane their necks back to see. (It wasn’t that bad, plus i offered to move a couple rows back.) I sat my hoh brother next to me, on the far end away from Dad. I showed him how my phone worked, and how I could talk to friends with texting, and how it vibrated so I didn’t have to hear it ring. He thought it was cool.

Then my dad asked me, “do you get frustrated with your old man?” I said “sometimes”. It was a safe response, honest, though not brutally so. He said jokingly “all the time, huh?” I releneted a bit and said “most of the time” and then said something about how I was glad I was at school most of the time now, in the same ‘humor’ my dad does, even though it’s honest. I could see a small change, but didn’t realize it at that time, in his manner of acting toward me. I stopped talking after two sentences, to prevent myself from being more honest. Note: I will NOT lie just to stroke his ego. I will NOT lie to make him feel better and wanted. I will NOT grovel and such. I try my best to be as honest as I can, but I also won’t be brutally honest. That’s why I write the blog. I needed a place where I could express all my feelings as honestly as possible, since I have no one person I can share everything with.

Today I slept in, my family went to the 9 o’clock Mass while I decided to go to the 11 o’clock Mass instead. I was in the bathroom, putting on my makeup with the door open. I heard my family come home (and feel the vibrations on the floor too) and said hi to everybody. Dad walked by and I said hi to him, but he didn’t look at me, just walked right past dropping my book bag carelessly from last night that I had left in their car for safekeeping. Okay, I thought. He’s in a bad mood. I didn’t realize I was the cause of it until I asked Mom, and she said it was because of what happened last night. (I had told her about both incidences) She said Dad felt like I disrespected him, and now his feelings were hurt.

Man, did I get mad. Not at her, at Dad, but I couldn’t show it to him. It was HIS fault. His fault for asking me. If he didn’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask me! His fault for not getting it through his head that perhaps me and my brother aren’t stubborn or disrespectful if we can’t hear a darn thing people say, and we stand there, asking to repeat, or waiting, processing what people said in our mind before we figure out what they said, and then respond later. I’m downstairs in my room right now, and I really want to go up there and tell him to SHUT UP and GET OVER YOURSELF and GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD THAT MAYBE YOU NEED TO GO A LITTLE OUT OF YOUR WAY SO WE CAN ACTUALLY HAVE A NORMAL CONVERSATION FOR ONCE!

Ah, well. Soon I will be leaving, for an hour long drive to the capital city because I’m meeting with the president of the statewide university system for my “leadership and/or scholarship” abilities. He’ll probably try to talk to me with the radio playing and the windows down even though it’s cold because it’s so hot in the car and when the siblings are talking and such. My parents are driving because they don’t think I have enough highway experience yet. And Dad did threaten in his stupid hypocritical joking manner that my car is not all mine, it is in his name even though I pay for half the payments and all the insurance.

Wish me luck.


Need a new job…any suggestions? November 9, 2007

Filed under: ASL,ccm,college,dating,deaf — bookwritegirl @ 11:11 pm

Well, I love my job working in the library, shelving/checking in books. But I simply don’t make enough money. Just enough monthly for half of my car, all the insurance, and all the gas (currently my dad is paying the other half since he uses it sometimes). I had planned relatively conservative, and figured I’d have left over money every month that I would sock away for living on my own or for Gallaudet.

But, it’s a mixed blessing lately. I’ve been invited to meet with the state university president. Not campus president, note. university-wide president. At his house. For either my leadership or scholarship (or both?) I’m not sure which. So I asked off for that. I asked off for the KC student government conference. Plus the library is closed holidays. And the way my library system is set up, if you ask off, you usually get it off, but there’s not much flexibility. If you ask off, you’re off. You can’t work, say, Monday nights and make up for a Sunday of work lost. So, I’m not making as much money as I had planned. I have a good cushion right now, about 4,200 dollars, so it’ll last me for a little while. And I don’t have to worry about tuition or books next semester….all that’s covered by financial aid (scholarships + loan).

But 6.70 an hour is simply not enough. I won’t be getting another raise until (est.) Oct or Nov next year. Maybe even later. I will be getting a second summer job. Perhaps third, if it’s possible for me to do that and take summer classes. We’ll see. I have a  tendency to “punish” myself; my eyes are bigger than my schedule. Spring will be grueling, 19 credits, 3 hrs a week teaching sign language to kids, plus activities, plus work. But all the honors I’ve been getting are cutting into work hours!

I also want to move to the dorms sometime soon…maybe in the fall when the new dorm complex opens? Hopefully I can become RA…(free room and board!) However, I would need a car to go to and from work, a car all my own. If that means Dad doesn’t want to help pay for it, I’d be paying about…oh, say, 350 a month on insurance and payments. Add 100 for gas. 450. If I’m not RA, then I’d need food (I’d just take out a loan for the room). Say 100 a month. And money for hearing aid/cochlear implant batteries (200 a year). And incidentials, say another 100 dollars a month will cover everything from doctors to dates.

Whoa. It’s expensive. Not to mention I need to buy more assistive listening devices (eg, smoke alarms) before I move out. I keep thinking that perhaps if I didn’t need to worry about hearing aids and the like, then I could skimp more. However, that’s the way things are.

I wouldn’t mind taking out loans, but the terms of my bank’s student loans specifies repayment starting 6 months after graduation. Graduation from where? If I go directly from my school to Gallaudet and grad school, would I still be considered to be in colllege? Or would I be stuck paying the loans while going to two schools in another state? I’m looking for an email address so I can ask the bank. (Any insights here would be helpful…how did it work for you? Did graduation mean final graduation, as from grad school or something?)

And I’d prefer to keep loans for school costs, like room, board, and books, since interest is so high. I’d pay the car and incidentials with my wages. So, if I work 20 hrs a week, and need to spend about 600 a month (on the high side). um…not going to happen. Where would I find a 30 dollar an hour job? Okay, say I spend about 400 a month. 20 an hour. Um…that probably won’t happen either. Okay, even 10 to 15 to 18.75 an hour would be awesome. Plus I’d work extra during summer to save up for the rest of the year.

So, do you know any jobs that deaf people can do that make that much money? My mom’s thought (I was speaking in hypothetical, so she volunteered ideas) was a sort of deaf telemarketing or deaf receptionist or something. Like for a hotel, if they have a TTY line, I’d staff that line. That would be awesome! Or even a VP, but I’m not quite good enough for that. Not for a couple more years. But I don’t know where to start.

I’m not in any emergency. It just would be nice if I had it by next fall, maybe. Preferably starting this summer, so I could learn how to work for whomever it is. So, for now I’m keeping my eyes open for any possibilities. Any ideas would be welcome!

I love writing, reading, editing, drawing, and the like. I wouldn’t mind working with Deaf people or through the internet. I’d like steady, yet flexible hours that I could work around honors and such. It needs to pay more than 7.50 an hour, if possible, with plenty of opportunities to increase that amt.

In the meantime I’m also casually buying lotto tickets…just in case 🙂