bookwritegirl

Just another WordPress.com weblog

Dark and dreary part 2 September 10, 2007

Filed under: college,friends,happiness,Harry Potter,joy,life,religion,school,Uncategorized,writing — bookwritegirl @ 9:21 pm

Yes, the day was dark and dreary, but the rain did get weary.

In the late afternoon, the clouds broke up, forming distant purple mountains majesties, then it cleared to show the bluest sky and the whitest clouds, and my down mood cleared up, making way for clear thinking and cheerfulness. Could be the sun, could be the caffeine, could be the sucessful Pro Life meeting I just had. But now I’ve got new column ideas for the student newspaper, I’ve got ideas for my three reports, and surpisingly enough, I thought of a word somebody else forgot! (Usually it’s the other way around).

I’ve got a better outlook on life. And I’m not so degratory to myself–I actually sang in front of people. Only three people, 1 friend and 2 acquaintances and it was a bit noisy after the meeting, but they didn’t cringe or anything 🙂 and I’ve got people whom on the surface don’t look as they have anything in common with me, but we just harmonized tonight! Yes, I’m still on a different wavelength than the methodical, 100% logical people, but harmony doesn’t happen often. Harmony is a great feeling, leading to great friendships. Somebody said she wasn’t running for vice president, because she has too much on her plate with groups, classes, etc, and I said, same here! We kept pointing an agreeing finger at each other, surprised/happy faces, saying “Yeah,” “And like…” Yeah!” That’s harmony.

 Of course, all my sudden energy and enthusiasm and focus and clear thinking came after the meeting was over at 8, I got home at 9, and now it’s 10, and I’m like, it’s too late to be awake! Oh well. But I came to an important realization too…God exists! It was a down time for me in the morning, in World Civ teacher talked about evolution of religion, and talk of other religion makes me realize, gosh, these people really believed their gods. And I felt rather out of it. Kinda grey and dark. Then I realized that this is a very real feeling, and that perhaps Lucifer is taking advantage of this vulnerability. Like what Luna Lovegood said in the 5th Harry Potter movie, he wants to make us feel like we’re all alone, because then we’re not much of a threat.

That is very true. If we feel like we’re all alone in this world, then we’re not a threat to the devil’s master plan. And you know how I like to be onery. I’d rather annoy the devil than God, you know? Lucifer’s less of a threat, to say the least. God is, quite obviously, the more powerful. He was the one who created the angels, and Lucifer was the cause of his own downfall. I’m not about to let him pull me down with him, you know? So, once I realized this very real internal battle–I can actually feel it when I’m aware– I said a quick prayer to Mary, the Mother of God. I asked her to help me to keep my faith. I remembered Mother Teresa. I mean, Mary never sinned. So she’s the perfect person to show me how NOT to sin. And she’s in a perfect position to petition God and all the angels and saints to help me.

So maybe it was prayer that changed my mood. Becuase it was an almost imperceptible  change at first, but it snowballed. And Now I’m Extremely Happy. Despite the fact I’m still stressed out a bit of school, it doesnt’ seem so bad. Like the pro life group’s president said, (despite the fact our group is non secretarian, non partisian) he said, I don’t know what religon you are, but I believe that God will help us with our cause, no matter how much we have on our plate, He’ll find a way to make it work. And it did work! I almost couldn’t make it to the mtg tonight, but it worked out!

 And now I’d better go to bed quickly, or actually work on real homework instead of writing, but I wanted to tell you guys, like somebody commented to me, we can share our joys too. Not always use blogs to complain. But to show the joys of everyday life, to teach others to take pleasure in being alive. And it is great being alive! Sure, nothing has to be perfect. That won’t stop us from enjoying life. Life is imperfection. And we are all imperfect. We all have bodies, you know? And the heart is willing, but the flesh is weak. Flesh is imperfect. I have an imperfect weight. I feel like I could weigh less, but everybody tells me I look great. My belief is imperfect to, in weight and in faith. People tell me I’m “sweet”. (another story altogether). But I’m like, no….not all the time.

I believe my faith will grow. I believe I will survive this semester. I believe the pro life group will become sucessful. I believe I will write. I believe I will find a boyfriend/potential husband some day. I believe in someday. I believe in the future. I believe in Heaven, and I believe in Hell. I beleive I will always have somebody there to help me through the rough times, and to share the  good times with. I believe.

 

yeah, yeah, yeah… June 25, 2007

Filed under: ASL,books,Catholic,college,discernation,friends,Harry Potter,Love,religion,school,sister — bookwritegirl @ 10:37 pm

I know I haven’t written in a while. But according to my stats, I’m still doing all right! The top posts are about the National Anthem in ASL and the difference between happiness and joy.

 Anyway, summer is busy. It’s supposed to be lazy, I know, but I’ve been cramming in all the stuff I’ve been meaning to do all school year long, and now it’s like a full time job in itself! Redid my room completely, paint, floor, new door, etc. Worked on my story…yet I’m procrastinating…guess why I’m updating my blog? Updated the list of all the books I own…it’s topping 700 books easily 🙂 Made my outfit for the Harry Potter release parties…the book and the movie!!!! getting closer and closer…attended Shakespeare…Perhaps I’ll get my first boyfriend this summer? I can only hope 🙂 This one guy, “Z”, is cute. And sweet. And loves his little sisters. And is Catholic. And supports all the right causes. And likes that I’m learning ASL. And thinks my double major is awesome…and this is the guy with the cool major in art! I almost did that myself…before I decided I liked writing better. I just don’t know, though. Does he like me, too? I mean, he talks to me. He asks questions about me. I can’t believe how stupid I sound, answering some of those questions…I’ve always been really cautious about conversations in general, because I don’t want to talk about the wrong thing (due to my deafness).

“So, where do you work?” <—him    “That sounds great!” <—me   “Uhhhh…” <—him    *blushes*<—me

 Then I get rather flustered sometimes, and forget to ask him questions too…and I’m afraid he’ll think I’m self-centered! Really, I want to learn more about other people (and him, too)! ‘Kay, I understand this may be a simple crush, but I must be honest…I’ve never been in love before. So I don’t know what it feels like as compared to a crush. I’m trying to be really cautious, so I don’t get let down, but at the same time be “available”…But I get excited when he writes to me on Facebook…or when I get a chance to meet him…usually I dread crowds and large groups of friends, but I was excited to go to an outdoor play where everybody was there, just because he was there…:)

Is this pizza love, or is it true love? Pizza love is having a pan of pizza in front of you, and saying “I really love pizza!” but when it’s gone, the love’s gone, too. True love on the other hand….Great distinction, isn’t it? But with people, it’s different.

*does he love me, does he not, does he love me, does he not* does he have a girlfriend? does he even like me? he did say he would come and visit me at work sometime, but that he would have to catch a bus…should i have offered to drive him somewhere? is that why he’s not taking bolder action with me, that he can’t provide on a date if he doesn’t have a car? i should have offered him a ride sometime, because, really, i don’t mind driving if i have to, esp. if it means we have a chance to see if we’re right for each other….but if he doesn’t have a car, then that might me he thinks he can’t provide for me if we’re married, because being deaf is expensive and taxing, not only for me but for those who love me like my parents, so perhaps my deafness scares potential men away because they don’t think they can provide for me and potential deaf children we might have. that’s rather depressing, once you think about it, but someday God will send the right man along, though I’m hoping it’s “Z”! i’ll keep hoping and praying and last night i did the rosary to that end…*

Okay, got this out. You may be wondering…and vocation search has taken a new turn. Now, more than ever, I’m thinking that perhaps my vocation is marriage, instead of religous life. Sure, it sounds great to me, to become a nun, a great sacrifice and all, but it just doesn’t feel right. I prayed a lot. I talked to a lot of nuns on various forums, but there’s no real spark. Then on a forum somebody asked if being single could be a vocation, and that got me thinking…I won’t mind being single! At least for a while. That way, I can help out a lot with my time, talents, and money from my job, since I don’t have anybody to support. Then when I get married, I’ll have lots of kids, adopted, natural, foster perhaps. I love kids. I love doing cookies, reading ,etc etc, though I must admit that sometimes I just get sick and tired…but then, what mom doesn’t?

So, now, I finally wrote a new blog post. I hope you’re happy 🙂 I’m rather pleased, myself. After procrastinating so long, it won’t keep bothering me for a while. I can enjoy my vacation in relative peace. Remember, women’s brains are like computers…we have a window open per subject, maybe several for each subject, and they’re all running all at the same time, and we can switch among them all, sometimes purposefully, sometimes against our will. And they’ll keep running until we do something to shut down the program. Whether it’s cleaning, or writing, or catching up with a friend, I’m gradually shutting down the windows that’s been pestering me since perhaps September…

If somebody reads this and thinks they know it’s me, feel free to both not tell me, or ask me about something, but please don’t pester me if I’d rather not discuss it. But typically, I won’t mind talking about it, as long as you have an open mind and you don’t bring it up in front of other people, and don’t keep dragging it up later after we’ve already been over the topic. This is the only place I can vent without affecting how some people see me. It’s not to say I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust myself. I like being anonymous to try out ideas without committing myself to a certain path…if that makes sense…

 

I have all the friends in the world… March 31, 2007

Filed under: college,friends,happiness,Harry Potter,Identity,joy,philosophy,religion,school — bookwritegirl @ 3:21 pm

so why do I feel so lonely?

 I can make “friends” easily, but I have no one “truest of the true” friend, a friend I can tell my deepest secrets and trust that she won’t divulge it to others, a friend I never not want to visit. It seems like I have several different “kinds” of friends…I have school friends whom I go to 3 or more classes with, to talk about class. But nothing else. I have an email friend to talk about guys and homeschooling with. I have a friend whom I talk with occasionally, about philosophy. I have friends who are of the same religion I am, I have a friend who is crazy about Harry Potter like I am, but I don’t have a religion/philosophy/guy/Harry Potter/feelings friend.

True, I can always talk to God, Jesus, Mary and the angels and saints, and I do, but it’s difficult to carry on a conversation and ask questions and not get immediate answers like with a friend. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all of God’s help and kindness, but I wish my imagination were reality, so He’d sit at the edge of my bed while I empty my heart out to him.

Please, God, send me a best friend.

 “The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.” The Rainy Day, by H.W. Longfellow

 

Harry Potter March 29, 2007

Filed under: Harry Potter,mugglenet — bookwritegirl @ 9:16 pm

I am soooooooooooo happy!!!!!!

Okay, excuse my poor English skills. Who can concentrate on english when we have little over a hundred days until HP7 book and HP5 movie! The cover is interesting, doesn’t show much, but the UK children’s version shows a little bit more, and looking at the UK adult version, I can reach the reasonble conclusion that the necklace Harry is wearing in the US version is a Slytherin heirloom. As for the new pictures from the movie, Luna obviously looks like Luna! I agree with Jo on that point. Harry’s hair is rather short, but still… I hope Neville gets a good share of the movie time, he’s going to be more important, I think. You can see the stuff over at Mugglenet.com

As for the ending of HP7, I’m of the opinion that Harry can’t die. In fact, that may very well be the reason why the book comes after the movie…if it were before, and if Harry died, then we’d be like, “Why should I see the movie? Harry’s just going to die. The magic’s gone! ” I know I would be like that. 🙂

You will find me at Borders at midnight in on a Friday night/Sat. morning in July wearing HP stuff, drinking caffinne, and jumping up and down like a crazed maniac of a HP fan. And you’ll find me Sunday, crying, because I just finished the last Harry Potter book. Ever! *cries*

 

Belonging needs

My professor was talking about belonging needs on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Since he’s a cool professor and it’s a cool class, a friend and I asked him about something (don’t remember what) after class, and we started talking about belonging needs. He was talking about when Bono turned down the offer to play for the Queen of England, he was showing that he was above the belonging needs of needing the prestige of playing for the Queen. Then he talked about how people tend to like to be in groups and travel in packs (remember cliques and the “jocks”, the “nerds”, etc? It’s still like that in college). That’s the reason why people are Catholics, Democrats, Republicans, etc., is because at a level we still need to satisfy our belonging needs, and those who operate outside of groups are higher up on the hierarchy. I left the classroom, thinking.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20, and I came up with a counter-argument a few minutes later, but I couldn’t very well go back to the classroom and tell him that could I? It’d look like I was arguing, and it’d look like I need to satisfy my physiological needs. He is of the same opinion of a few philosophers, where religion is “the opiate of the masses” and (this is unconfirmed) God’s existence is not proven. So, it is obvious that he might think that religion is only for those who are at the belonging needs. My brilliant counter-argument is that perhaps for some, religion is a person’s identity, and when it is, that person is at the belonging needs. But for some enlightened people, religion is just a part of a person’s identity. It is not an overwhelming aspect of those people’s lives. True, I am a Catholic, and I am pro-life, and I am a college student, and I am a sister, a daughter, a honor’s student, a Hermione-type, a Harry Potter fan, a reader, a writer, and a girl, and many other identities. Religion shouldn’t be shed just because you want to climb Maslow’s Hierarchy, or just because you’re in college now and can do what you want. In fact, I wonder whether those who deny the very existence of God are, despite their best efforts, succumbed under the popular movement and opinion and joined a group called Athiesm, and embracing and living out the ideals of Humanism in their lives. They can be said to have made their identities wholly humanistic. I just wonder.