bookwritegirl

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Expensive lesson January 18, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — bookwritegirl @ 10:26 pm

Yep. Well, it’s been a little while since I’ve written about my foray into CrMS. I was sick of taking the pill, sick of the weight gain, and sick of my irregular cycles. So…after research I had decided to try them out, because “everybody said” that it’s affordable and natural and that “you’d be surprised at how many college students” use this system too, though they’re not active. So, I had researched, and it seemed on surface to be affordable.

Um. No.

Got a preliminary bill from the insurance about a month ago. Over $100 due. It was just a statement, I should say, not a bill. Got the actual bill from PPVI. 75 is due. Can you believe the new patient fee is $150? Insurance doesn’t pay for it at all. Insurance doesn’t usually pay for “fertility” stuff as this, even though it may be crucial to our health, as the PPVI people were saying it was.

They were allĀ  very, very nice. But I wouldn’t advise college women to do it, unless they were rich or had no money worries at all. I’m going to just grin and bear it…so far it’s been working all right. I lost about 10 lbs so far, and kept it off (with fluctuation, but nothing too scarily high like before).

So, yeah, I’m not doing anything anymore. I’m sick of spending money and doctor visits and such just for them to say “wait and see” “wait until you have a baby, then it’ll be normal” and stuff like that.

Learn from me. Be careful before you decide to do this. It’s worth it if you must have some sense of control over your cycles, yet you want to be off the pill. But it’s not worth the money. You’ll survive.

(Disclaimer here: this is in no way meant to be a dr advice or anything like that, so I won’t get sued, so don’t go blaming me for your problems, this is all mine and my decision only.)

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I’m sorry I dropped out of the blog scene December 20, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — bookwritegirl @ 9:27 am

It was finals week, and some good things have been happening to me as well, but I promise I will write as soon as I get more time! I will catch people up on everything šŸ™‚

Thanks for being so patient!

 

Cool D-PAN video November 25, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — bookwritegirl @ 9:30 pm

Yeah, yeah, I was bored (even though I had a lot of homework still to do…) So I found this music video a week or so ago.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=hKnF9CCYQPQ

I loved it, and I now love the song! I turned up theĀ volume so I could hear it fully and feel it. I showed it to my friends in ASL class and they loved it…I had intended only to show it to them, but then my teacher came in and ended up seeing it for himself, and he really enjoyed it. And all the little factoids and mini-videos were really eye opening, some for me, a lot for my friends. I was able to find an article about the police shooting the deaf guy holding a rake, and that was sad!

However, I have not been able to find any info about the judge screaming at the deaf guy. You can see it at about 1:11. So, if anybody knows info about this, or a link to the article or full video (I’ll get my friends to interpret for me) that would be awesome!

Anyway, I’m eagerly waiting for D-PAN to come out with more videos šŸ™‚

And now I’ll try to get back to work. I need to sleep tonight. I bet many of youĀ  could tell I was not thinking all that clearly last night. Sleep deprivation takes a toll on people. At least it was just the misspellings of a few words, plus an online rant. At least I didn’t rant in person. Just getting it out of my system (plus the comments) allowed me to actually take a step back and evaluate things. So, thanks for bearing with me. I’m surprised I haven’t scared all my readers away by now.

 

Dark and dreary part 2 September 10, 2007

Filed under: college,friends,happiness,Harry Potter,joy,life,religion,school,Uncategorized,writing — bookwritegirl @ 9:21 pm

Yes, the day was dark and dreary, but the rain did get weary.

In the late afternoon, the clouds broke up, forming distant purple mountains majesties, then it cleared to show the bluest sky and the whitest clouds, and my down mood cleared up, making way for clear thinking and cheerfulness. Could be the sun, could be the caffeine, could be the sucessful Pro Life meeting I just had. But now I’ve got new column ideas for the student newspaper, I’ve got ideas for my three reports, and surpisingly enough, I thought of a word somebody else forgot! (Usually it’s the other way around).

I’ve got a better outlook on life. And I’m not so degratory to myself–I actually sang in front of people. Only three people, 1 friend and 2 acquaintances and it was a bit noisy after the meeting,Ā but they didn’tĀ cringe or anything šŸ™‚Ā and I’ve got people whom on the surface don’t look as they have anything in common with me, but we just harmonized tonight! Yes, I’m still on a different wavelength than the methodical, 100% logical people, but harmony doesn’t happen often. Harmony is a great feeling, leading to great friendships. Somebody said she wasn’t running for vice president, because she has too much on her plate with groups, classes, etc, and I said, same here! We kept pointing an agreeing finger at each other, surprised/happy faces, saying “Yeah,” “And like…” Yeah!” That’s harmony.

Ā Of course, all my sudden energy and enthusiasm and focus and clear thinking came after the meeting was over at 8, I got home at 9, and now it’s 10, and I’m like, it’s too late to be awake! Oh well. But I came to an important realization too…God exists! It was a down time for me in the morning, in World Civ teacher talked about evolution of religion, and talk of other religion makes me realize, gosh, these people really believed their gods. AndĀ I felt rather out of it. Kinda grey and dark. Then I realized that this is a very real feeling, and that perhaps Lucifer is taking advantage of this vulnerability. Like what Luna Lovegood said in the 5th Harry Potter movie, he wants to make us feel like we’re all alone, because then we’re not much of a threat.

That is very true. If we feel like we’re all alone in this world, then we’re not a threat to the devil’s master plan. And you know how I like to be onery. I’d rather annoy the devil than God, you know? Lucifer’s less of a threat, to say the least. God is, quite obviously, the more powerful. He was the one who created the angels, and Lucifer was the cause of his own downfall. I’m not about to let him pull me down with him, you know? So, once I realized this very real internal battle–I can actually feel it when I’m aware– I said a quick prayer to Mary, the Mother of God. I asked her to help me to keep my faith. I remembered Mother Teresa. I mean, Mary never sinned. So she’s the perfect person to show me how NOT to sin. And she’s in a perfect position to petition God and all the angels and saints to help me.

So maybe it was prayer that changed my mood. Becuase it was an almost imperceptibleĀ  change at first, but it snowballed. And Now I’m Extremely Happy. Despite the fact I’m still stressed out a bit of school, it doesnt’ seem so bad. Like the pro life group’s president said, (despite the fact our group is non secretarian, non partisian) he said, I don’t know what religon you are, but I believe that God will help us with our cause, no matter how much we have on our plate, He’ll find a way to make it work. And it did work! I almost couldn’t make it to the mtg tonight, but it worked out!

Ā And now I’d better go to bed quickly, or actually work on real homework instead of writing, but I wanted to tell you guys, like somebody commented to me, we can share our joys too. Not always use blogs to complain. But to show the joys of everyday life, to teach others to take pleasure in being alive. And it is great being alive! Sure, nothing has to be perfect. That won’t stop us from enjoying life. Life is imperfection. And we are all imperfect. We all have bodies, you know? And the heart is willing, but the flesh is weak. Flesh is imperfect. I have an imperfect weight. I feel like I could weigh less, but everybody tells me I look great. My belief is imperfect to, in weight and in faith. People tell me I’m “sweet”. (another story altogether). But I’m like, no….not all the time.

I believe my faith will grow. I believe I will survive this semester. I believe the pro life group will become sucessful. I believe I will write. I believe I will find a boyfriend/potential husband some day. I believe in someday. I believe in the future. I believe in Heaven, and I believe in Hell. I beleive I will always have somebody there to help me through the rough times, and to share theĀ  good times with. I believe.

 

Guys. September 6, 2007

It’s been a while since I’ve updated my search for vocation. Now, I’m quite at peace with marriage and children. I examined exactly why I might have been interested in becoming a nun, and I think maybe I was running away, or being obstinate. It was like a secret disobedience toward my dad. See, he didn’t know anything about my search (nor did my mom for that matter) but all I could think of was his reaction if he found out, about him not liking it or something.

Stupid, I know. Juvenile. I know it seems like I’m wavering back and forth, not knowing what I want. I think it was more of me not knowing what God wants. So, I took some steps in both directions. I signed up to be a lector…mandation is next Thurs. And I went to a FOCUS/CCM meeting last night, a special joint meeting, with the topic of “Dating Game”. It was really helpful, and the guest speaker was great; we all had fun, laughing hard. But he had great tips. I forgot some of it already, but I shared what I learned with my friend here:

On that same topic, I went to a meeting tonight, about the “Dating Game”. The speaker talked about faith-based dating, which was really cool. There’s four principles…I think I remember them all.

***

A, build a solid foundation.

B….We are daughters/sons of God. Girls can never get all the romance they want, and guys can’t get all the honor they want from relationships. But they both can help each other grow, like some romance, some honor. But only God can give us all we want; we place ourselves in God’s hands first and foremost, then honor our spouses.

C, Guys, be guys. Girls, let guys be guys. Basically, guys are little boys in a big boy body. So if a girl asks him out, he’s like, Sure, sounds fun! Because he’s a little boy. But if the boy asks the girl out, that means the boy’s taking responsiblity and initiative, which is as it should be.

D, was be friends, first and foremost. Guys and girls are brothers and sisters with God. He had a great analogy. First, run to Jesus, and you’ll find somebody. And if you’ve been running for a while, look left and right to see who is running alongside you, and you’ll find somebody. And in every day marriage life, it’s not exactly romantic. Poopy diapers, etc. So you need to be best friends with them, because you can help each other through the less-glamorous stuff. I really liked the talk, and I thought you’d like to know this stuff too! It was great.

***

But all this didn’t really help my present status. I’m still single. Never dated. I think I said that already. And I was worried that perhaps it was because of my deafness, you know, scaring guys away. So I posted my worries on a forum, and everybody said not to worry. It’s only because current society puts so much emphasis on the “relationship” vs. the friendship. And I have a few friendships with guys. Single guys. Single cute guys. Single cute (and to varying degrees) considerate guys. And I have a few more facebook friendships with other single cute guys, but I don’t really remember them and I don’t think they really remember me, from the lastĀ pro-life group meeting. about 3 months ago.

Bachelor #1– call him B. I’ve been IMing him for a while, and he seems nice and considerate for a friend. I don’t think I ever met him in person, but we go to the same college and have the same friends, it’s just that we’ve never had a chance to meet. Maybe we did, and I don’t remember. Anyway, he said he didn’t mind that I was deaf. “Really, I don’t mind!” Even though I was being all self-deprecating, because I’m afraid to be strong about my deafness. ‘Cause I don’t really like pity-parties, and I don’t want people to think that that’s what I want. Anyway, it happened to be at a time when I was feeling rather down about being deaf/hard of hearing. But his words cheered me up. If he doesn’t mind, then there’s got to be other guys who don’t care either! So, even if we never progress beyond friendship (fine by me…I’m not setting my hopes high), he has certainly helped bolster my spirit. I don’t think he realizes that, but he is great. Also, he remembered that I don’t like to use the phone. Usually people keep asking me for my number because they forget how I rather hate talking on the phone. So that’s another plus! šŸ™‚ And he’s Catholic, the VP for CCM. So he’s practicing, yet not too ferverent. Nice and laidback, I believe. I have yet to go to a CCM meeting. I hope to do so soon. So I can meet him and see what he’s like in person.

Bachelor #2– call him Z. He’s cute. I thought he was cute from the first time I saw him, at the very first pro life meeting. Also Catholic, only with FOCUS. He has that Indian flair about him, the subcontinent, and in looks, not in actions, that is. I’ve actually met him several times, and I’m hoping, yet I don’t want to set my hopes up high. Which is okay. But he knows I don’t like the phone, yet he called twice. The first time, I don’t think he realized how hard it was for me to hear on the phone. So I’m pretty sure I sounded stupid. At any rate, he hadn’t called back until yesterday, to meet atĀ the library for a pro life mini meeting. Only thing, we met at 11:30, but the president of the group didn’t get out of class until noonish. So, we talked for a half an hour, kind of awkwardly, and I’m sure I’m even more stupid about it. I wish i didn’t constantly degrade my deafness, you know. He sang a bit to himself, and it sounded like he had a good voice. So he sorta–not mumbled–but you know when people talk low and fast, as if to themselves? I only caught a few words about American Idol. So I was joking about maybe I should sign, would that count as a song on American Idol? Because I don’t have a good voice “obviously”.

So, I don’t know, it’s like he forgets I’m deaf, and little comments here and there that I say seem to remind him, and he doesn’t know what to say. I want to be upfront (no nasty surprises). So if he’s not prepared for my deafness, then okay. Not worth it anyway. But it’s a friendship, as always, to begin with.

Ā There’s a few other guys, like one I talked to briefly about sign language at the Dating Game, after the speech. He was cute, and was interested in signing, and maybe mildly interested in me? I don’t know his name though, to facebook him! But there’s guys out there, I’m finding out. And I’m getting hopeful šŸ™‚

Ā Yeah, I know this is long, and if you survived all the way to the end, reading it, then I’m surprised! But thanks for listening…anonymously. It feels nice to share it with somebody who can’t really judge me properly, or even know me. Or maybe you do, keeping tabs on me. Which is fine. I’m just talking to myself anyway. I can’t really share all this stuff with any one person. I don’t really know anybody who can properly understand, except for God. Only this is more…concrete, I should say.